Today I am writing about a place where I spent so many years of my life in, a place where my Father walked me out of, a place where I still struggle to this day to not go back to. I call this place “my cave”. I created my cave when I was a child out of fear, hurt, and rejection that I didn’t know how to deal with. I built walls of “protection” and I would go to this place when I didn’t want to feel anything. My cave became a place of comfort and I really thought I was protecting myself by staying there. It wasn’t until God started dealing with me when I got older that I realized that choosing to stay there really kept me from truly surrendering to God and it separated me from people, from good relationships. At some point after meeting my husband I came out of my cave and made myself vulnerable to him. This was when I first realized that it existed and that life could be different if I came out of there. There have been many times in our marriage when I ran back to my cave when I felt hurt or overwhelmed. There were some things we dealt with in our marriage that I never thought we would deal with and it felt better to stay in my cave and protect myself from the pain. The bad thing is when I let myself stay there, I became calloused, cold and numb. This is a dangerous place and at different times in my life I made really stupid choices from that place, some that I regret to this day. I believe a lot of people have a similar place. Living in my cave was so comfortable at the time but you see, the enemy loved keeping me there because he played with my mind while I was there. He fed me lies since I was a child that I believed and it affected me as a person. I was bound by fear. I had no confidence and a horrible self esteem. I really believed that I was safe there. When I realized that I needed to come out and be free I didn’t know how. I literally had to take my Father’s hand and let Him help me out. I was desperate to be free. I knew that I would never become who God designed me to be if I didn’t. It was so scary at first and uncomfortable. I imagine it’s what an animal that has lived in a cage all their life feels like when they get set free. It feels unsafe at first and they have to learn to live free. Every day since then has been a faith walk and every time I choose to obey has been another step further away from my cave. I won’t lie. It has not been easy and I struggle many moments to not go back there. I realize that all of my life I defaulted to this place without even trying. I am getting better at catching myself because I continuously ask my Helper to show me and He really does, but some days are hard. Being naturally introverted makes it even easier to go there but I am learning to reach out when I am tempted to run back there. If you have a similar place let me tell you that you will never experience the life God intends for you until you choose to take down your walls and break out of this place. Sometimes you have to get to a place where you are sick and tired but do whatever it takes to be free. Don’t believe the lies that tell you that you will never be free or that this is just the way you are. You can choose to be free no matter how you feel. Trust your Father and trust His process. There is nothing like being free.
Never judge a person’s life by their Facebook page or any other social media. Most people only put a highlight reel of their life on there. Don’t be jealous of what someone’s life seems like on social media or how much of a “perfect” life they have. I will be the first to say that my life is far from perfect. I have learned to make the best of the situations life has dealt but I can freely say that I have issues and my marriage has issues. I have moments where I want to crawl in a hole and go away from everything and everyone and I have moments when I feel overwhelmed or down. I have moments when I feel ugly and rejected. I have times when I don’t like my husband very much. Sometimes I would rather be the one being helped instead of always helping others. You see, I am human. I am a woman with emotions and feelings and all that comes with it but I don’t choose to put all my human moments out there and I have a journal for my private stuff. I may struggle but I am a fighter and I won’t give up. It’s not an option. I would rather be a positive voice on social media where there is so much negativity and trash. You may see me post pics of myself or my family but please don’t ever think we have it all together and that we don’t struggle too. I always say I am an imperfect person who is in constant need of a perfect Savior. He is the One who has helped me keep going when I want to quit. He has been the One who has loved me when it felt like no one else did. He is the One I reach for every day because I need Him like I need air to breathe to make it through this life. So if there is anything I have that you want, let it be Him. Jesus will be the best friend you could ask for. He will fill every empty place in your heart and He will heal every place you hurt. I’m not even sure why I wrote this today but here it is, some real talk for you. Have a blessed day.
“For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.” James 1:23-25 NLT
One of the best things we could ever do for ourselves and for our growth in every area of life is to take an honest look at yourself and surrender everything you see to the One who can help you, heal you, set you free and help you be the person He designed you to be. Have you ever felt like you know you have so many issues but you just don’t know where to start with them or how to handle them? A lot of us have been there or are there right now. It takes humility to be honest with yourself and take inventory of what is there. It is hard to do but it is necessary if you really want to grow, change or overcome anything in your life. If you think about it, your Father in heaven, your Creator knows you better than you know yourself. He is right there waiting for you to stop and surrender it all to Him. Let His word be a mirror for you. Read it and examine yourself. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you and He will. It does take a process, a life long process, but as you develop a habit of looking at you before pointing the finger to others, it will get easier. I truly believe that when we stop doing this, pride steps in and sometimes deception and then we think we are fine the way we are. Honestly, it doesn’t matter how long you have been living for the Lord. We ALL need Him and we ALL have things we need Him to work out in us. As long as we walk this earth, we will deal with this flesh and we need God’s help to overcome it and be all He has created us to be. If you haven’t already, start today and face yourself, face the issues, face the generational things that try to cling to you. You have the greater One on the inside of you who will help you every step of the way and will surround you with the right people along the way if you let Him. You can do it and you can live a victorious life. Don’t believe the lies that tell you otherwise. Speak the truth of God’s word no matter how you feel and watch your life change.